Another anonymous confession
Alright lovers, i have another crazy confession for you. Before we even go on, i have a confession. I’m rethinking this segment now because i like gossip but i also like to know who is telling me this gossip 😭😭. But as promised, i’m keeping this completely anonymous so y’all can feel safe to tell me. Now this one is something. I’m just going to let y’all see for yourself.
I have a confession
I’ve been experiencing a lot this year… I realized that no matter who I loved or loved me more in a romantic relationship I’d always be broken inside because I just found out that the man I truly love is getting married this year to someone I can’t deny is actually better than me in every way. I’m not jealous of her actually, I’m just feeling crushed that I could have done better to keep him, but you know what they say “A man knows where his heart truly lies”.
When i met him.
It started few years back when I met him immediately after my graduation from the university, then I was very lush, soculent, soft, beautiful, very attractive to be honest and a vibrant young lady… To be honest gist full ground, but to cut the long story short we fell really hard for each other in the disguise of friendship. We had our first kiss on my birthday that year in my mother’s kitchen where he pinned me effortlessly to the kitchen wall, we did really intense stuff when we were always alone, our chemistry was undeniable.
Falling in love and falling apart
Months passed and I fell completely in love with him, he made me feel safe and embraced every part of me including my insecurities at that time and I was truly myself… The best version of myself at that period, he wrote lots of poetic posts in my name, omoh it’s a really long time that I can’t describe the feeling from back then, all I can say is that Romeo and Juliet didn’t stand a chance in our love story. But as a man (pause, what do you mean as a man babe? Please don’t make these men think it’s normal to just switch up and become restless😔) he became unstable and started talking to someone new, someone more attractive and younger. In no time we fell apart and they started dating, I was so blinded by love that I didn’t think much of it that he’ll ever break my trust or my heart.
The Back and Forth Years
Luckily for me I got the Clarion call and moved from that environment, few months later after I moved he contacted me again, gradually I gave in to his advance because I was still madly in love with him. Fast forward we became really hot again for each other, at that time he already broke up with his short term girlfriend and realized he wasn’t truly in love with her just infatuation. It was my turn now and I fell for someone else and shortly after that we started dating, I shared the news with him but he wasn’t pleased and again we went our separate ways. Soon after I also broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn’t loyal to me and again that made me fall back to my long lost love.
3 years have passed with our back and forth but he never made it official with me cause he said I was too good for him, which of course if a guy says that to you just believe him and withdraw as soon as possible from that entanglement. Now it’s year 4 and we’re older, wiser and still kinda in love but with other people in which I didn’t know he was seeing anyone at all cause he really wanted to keep that information from me because he knew I would back off completely from him and for good.
Finding out
So when I found out that he was in a serious relationship with a self made and improved woman I was shattered completely and decided to give someone I wasn’t even attracted to a chance. I told him that this time I was in a serious relationship and I would like to take it further with him it completely shattered him because of course he’s a slickish narcissist. Up until recently I broke up with that guy again because even when I fell for him at the end I still couldn’t trust him completely. So we went our separate ways.
Little did I know that my first heart break from my Narcissist lover had shattered my trust and that has reflected on every person I meet today… I can’t trust any man who says and shows that he loves me even if I know deep down that it could be true so what made me break this year was when he contacted me earlier this year but this time to invite me to his wedding with his relationship of over 3 years now and to think of it that I was in the center of it all or could have broken a home before it ever started makes me sick to my stomach. And this news made me realize that I still love him dearly and deeply, but I don’t want this to oppress me into a relationship I don’t want or into a marriage that’ll suck me dry for the rest of my life.
How it left me
I’m happy sad about the news, I still miss him but also still have it at the back of my mind that even if he calls off his wedding today I’ll never go back to him even if I’m single. Interesting thing is that we never had a title officially to our relationship. We don’t talk anymore and I’m okay with it. But I sincerely want to find my person, and find a way to manage my BPD (BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER) that I slowly developed without knowing it during those years. I know I’m crazy to say this again, but I still love him and i feel that I’ve lost my soulmate to someone else and I don’t know if I’ll ever connect to someone else the way I did with him. This is my confession.
…
A word from me to you
Babyyyyyyy😢. I wish i could hug you right now. I know we said that we won’t judge or give advice here, but i just want you to know that i understand. The love matters family understands. I’m saying this because i hope you get to read this; you WILL find your person. Trust me on that. And i’m sorry but i hate this guy. I know i know, no judging, but i hate him. He knew what he was doing when he refused to take you serious. He’s an ass. No offence. I have been in a similar situation but this time, i actually dated the guy. Always came back when he was bored and needed some companionship. Unfortunately i made myself available. Not anymore though. He can go to hell for all i care.
Alright alright, i’ll stop here. I hope you’re good babe. I’m rooting for you. And hey, when you do find your person and he’s put a ring on it, we’ll be here for you. We’ll celebrate and tell your love story love matters style. Love youuuuuuuu.
Hey babe, i’ll also add some resources i looked up for BPD. I hope this helps. Much much love from me to you.
https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/peer-resources
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