I’m writing this post for my woman who is afraid of loving because of past hurt and breakups. It’s okay to love again baby. I love you My Dammy 💘. This post is dedicated to you.
Now to my fearful lovers this one’s also for you. Personally, once I heal and move on, I don’t carry the trauma from that breakup for a while. Sure, I learn my lessons, but I’m never scared to love again (lover girl energy, obviously 💅🏾).
But I know some of you hold back because of past breakups. You’re cautious, maybe even a little guarded. That’s fair. I’m here to help you open up to love again wisely, not recklessly. So, when the next prospective lover shows up, ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I excited to be loved or desperate to be in love?
Real talk, I’ve been single so long that friends are now trying to matchmake me. Cute, but also… tragic. 😭 And yes, I miss it too, the hand-holding, the late-night rants, the dreaming of “our” future.
But here’s the catch: wanting love is fine. Settling for anyone just to feel loved? That’s desperation in disguise. If you’re ignoring red flags or bending your standards just to say you’re “boo’d up,” you’re only setting yourself up for another mess.
Love is worth the wait. I’ll hold out for my person. You should too.
2.Do I actually enjoy my own company now?
Here’s the thing: if silence still feels like punishment, you’re not there yet. Learning to be alone without feeling lonely is one of the clearest signs you’re ready. Can you take yourself out to dinner without clutching your phone like a lifeline and constantly scrolling through aimlessly just to look busy? Can you spend a Saturday night binging your favourite show without feeling bored ad lonely? That’s growth.
Because if you don’t enjoy your own vibe, you’ll expect a new partner to fill every gap and that’s where toxic attachments start. Dating should feel like adding makeup to an already beautiful face to enhance the look not adding makeup to cover an ugly one.
3. Have I healed or just distracted myself?
Messy breakups leave marks, some visible, some tucked deep inside. The real question isn’t “am I busy enough to forget?” but “have I faced the pain head-on?” Healing isn’t about hopping into another situationship or drowning in work to avoid the ache. It’s about sitting with the hurt, untangling what went wrong, and owning your part in it too.
If the thought of your ex still makes your stomach knot, or you find yourself lowkey stalking their socials “just to check,” you might still be in distraction mode. Healing looks like being able to think of them without spiraling, and genuinely wishing them well without bitterness.
Because only when your wounds have scars not open cuts can you invite someone new in without bleeding all over them.
4. Do I Still Compare Every New Person to My Ex?
If every date turns into a mental checklist of “well, my ex used to…” then guess what, you’re not dating, you’re ghost-hunting. Comparing every new crush to your ex is like scrolling through old texts at 2AM: messy, pointless, and guaranteed to keep you stuck. Your ex was a whole chapter, not the template for the sequel. Rip the page and let someone else write a fresh storyline with you.
5. Am I Ready to Be Vulnerable Again?
Dating isn’t just about fine boy/girl vibes and cute Instagram stories. It’s about letting someone see the messy, unfiltered you. Are you actually ready to share your soft spots without building emotional prison walls? Or are you still side-eyeing everyone like they’re about to betray you? Vulnerability is the price of entry into real love. If you’re not ready to risk a little emotional nakedness, maybe sit this one out until you are.
At the end of the day, love is sweet, but only when you’re in the right space to actually receive it. Asking yourself these questions isn’t about overthinking or scaring yourself out of dating again, it’s about making sure you’re not just diving back into chaos because you’re lonely or bored. If your answers lean more toward “I’m ready to love for real” than “I just miss the attention”, then maybe it’s time to shoot your shot.
But if deep down you know you’re not there yet? Babe, fine man, chill. Heal. Pour into yourself. Love will still be there when you’re ready and it’ll be ten times sweeter. I promise. 💋
Read this: WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? LOVE? – My Love Matters
Have a story that you know would absolutely make us scream bloody murder, you should tell us. Anonymously of course: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdtqZZcUeqqpHgZm1SIt65YihoSIV8aiIQ9uLnEJWHAo5Z65Q/viewform?usp=header
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